For most of my life, I followed someone else’s script instead of writing my own.  As a high-achieving, high-performing, brilliant Black woman, I made time for everything and everyone else with only crumbs left for myself at the end of the day.  I would’ve told you that I loved my life because I had “ticked the boxes”: the education, the money, debt-free living,  the penthouse, amazing friends, beloved community, and fabulous trips. 

The truth is that I had my dream job in what felt like a nightmare situation of relentless crisis leadership during the COVID-19 global pandemic. 

The truth is that I was miserable.  

The truth is that I was diminishing rapidly. 

The truth of my bloodwork told me that I was maybe one work crisis away from a heart attack or a stroke, which was highly probable based on the recent data that 1 of every 2 Black women live with heart disease. 

As a Black American woman, I was trained to “never look like what I’m going through”.  In her book, Restorative Yoga for Ethnic and Race-based Stress and Trauma, Dr. Gail Parker introduced me to “Sojourner Syndrome”.  

Exhaustion extinguished my imagination.  I couldn’t dream for myself anymore.  Wasn’t I in the business of offering a high-quality education to children so they can realize their hopes and dreams?  

My body was sending me smoke signals that I could no longer ignore. In the words of Miss Sophia from The Color Purple,  I was “mighty low”.  

I stopped everything.

I asked for help. 

I was honest about what I was experiencing.  

I chose myself.  

I asked my heart, “What do you really want?”

The answer: I want to live a life that I swoon over.